“Reflections on Aging, Grief, Retirement…”

“Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.” – Will Rogers

My mother died almost 30 years ago at exactly the age I am as I write this. As those of you who are regular readers of this column know, my father died last fall. My father, a scientific editor, kept copies of every communication he either received or sent, complete with his own mark ups and edits. In going through his files, my sister discovered a series of letters he had written to friends (former fellow Plainfield folks who had returned to the U.K.) between 1992 and 1997. Those years were significant because they included the birth of my first daughter, the death of my mother and finally the birth of my younger daughter. As I read one of these letters written in mid-1995 (an accounting of major life events and growing rotator cuff problems) I realized (as I was rubbing my own painful shoulder) that this letter was also written at the age I am now. 

One never knows what the future will hold, but after 40 years working for the county (30 years at Richard Hall and almost a decade in my current role) I am beginning to think about “life after work” and how little, in truth, I have changed since I was a little boy dreaming about what my life and career might become. In turn, this thought led me to want to share some reflections with you that you might find familiar (and perhaps worthy of your own reflection).

For many of us the decision about when to retire from a career (at least for those of us privileged enough to have our work qualify as “a career”) is a complex one. In addition to the financial dimensions (will I have enough money to live on – will my post retirement budget allow me enough freedom from anxiety about running out of money before I die – how will my retirement affect loved ones who depend on me for financial support) there are the less concretely definable dimensions of personal identity and time management. 

For most of us, our identity as a human being is shaped by the roles we play in life and our work role is likely where we have spent more time, emotion, and effort than in any other aspect of our life outside of that of our family (and for some, more time). At this point in life, we have become used to a routine- when to get up, when to go to bed, how each day is likely to be spent, etc. Moreover, (and I will speak for myself here) “on call” is a perpetual state and, for me, the notion of living a life independent of the constraints of a formal professional role is both attractive and daunting. 

The attractive part is clear, perhaps. Freedom to plan my own days, a full “exhale” when I am no longer responsible for the overall operation of a complex department with many moving parts and multi-agency regulatory oversight and the ability to have my primary daily focus be something other than work (including, sadly, on weekends and holidays- a partially self-imposed choice I will admit). 

The daunting part is perhaps much less clear. Beginning with my first county job (a mental health support associate assigned to work with the prescribing staff at Richard Hall) and then, progressively through my positions as an outpatient therapist, program director, agency clinical director and then executive director of the center until taking my current position in 2014, my identity has been heavily invested in my professional world. 

I have done this work long enough that “the role I play” and “who I am” have increasingly become somewhat inseparable. On one level that is a very healthy thing (re: being “genuine”) but on another it raises the question of what will happen to “who I am” once “the role I play” is no longer part of the equation. Will I miss it?  Will I feel less of myself once I am no longer working in a clearly defined role in the public arena? I have been a “boss” on some level for most of my career, so how will it be for me when I no longer have that status and authority? Frankly, I’m not sure.

I shared an earlier draft of this piece with my wife while I was writing it.  After commenting on how “very personal” it was, she asked what I was targeting as an audience for it. Those of you who have read my musings through the years know that I long ago decided to be honest and as personal as a topic called for – and was appropriate to the context of this newsletter.

My senior cohort continues to grow by leaps and bounds (and comprises, we believe, the largest group of our readership) and yet we remain a youth-centric society, uncomfortable with the topic of aging, in all its complicated messiness. I consider it my responsibility as a county human services director to nudge us back towards true exposition of our realities and to promote open discussion and dialogue.

Something interesting happens to us when we are on the exit ramp (however long that ramp might eventually prove to be). As I shared at the beginning of this piece, even though I continue to believe most of us “are whom we are” by latency age (roughly 5-11) I have found myself thinking about how different my perspective is on what matters in this life journey than it was even 5 years ago. 

As I recall my own life through this new lens I am sometimes flooded with feelings and memories. These include wellsprings of grief and loss connected to the loved ones I have lost over time and how much I miss the chance to revisit relationships that I took for granted, or didn’t value enough, or simply somehow magically believed would never really end. 

I have, in what seems the blink of an eye, gone from being “the young guy” at the beginning of a career to the “old man” at the end of it. I now understand so much more about the experiences and life choices of my parents and how it shaped them and wonder what my own children will come to understand about my experiences and choices when they (hopefully) reach my age and beyond.

I am struck repeatedly these days about how much more we all have in common than the differences that often define us as we move through life. Part of me looks forward to the time left. Part of me fears I haven’t done enough to make this world a better place- or taken good enough care of myself – or told everyone I love and value how much they matter to me, but in the end, I hope to move past the fear and simply take the rest of my life as it comes, one moment at a time. 

Aging brings many challenges, but it also brings a chance at being truly free of the need to prove oneself as being truly “worthy.” My hope for myself, and my boomer cohorts (or for any of us, really) is to finally “let it be.” If Paul McCartney could write (and believe) that at 27, I wonder how he feels about it at 81?

The Somerset County of Office of Youth Services has achieved national accreditation through the New York-based Council on Accreditation (COA).  The Office of Youth Services is comprised of the Family Crisis Intervention Unit, the County Interagency Coordinating Council, the Commission on Child Abuse and Missing Children and the Youth Services Commission. Organizations pursue accreditation to demonstrate the implementation of best practice standards in the field of human services. COA evaluated all aspects of the Office of Youth Service’s programs, services, management, and administration.

COA accreditation is an objective independent, and reliable validation of an agency’s performance. The COA accreditation process involves a detailed review and analysis of an organization’s administration, management, and service delivery functions against international standards of best practice. The standards driving accreditation ensure that services are well-coordinated, culturally competent, evidence-based, outcomes-oriented, and provided by a skilled and supported workforce. COA accreditation demonstrates accountability in the management of services, sets standardized best practice thresholds for service and administration, and increases organizational capacity and accountability by creating a framework for ongoing quality improvement.

To achieve COA accreditation, the Office of Youth Services first provided written evidence of compliance with the COA standards. Thereafter, a group of specially trained volunteer Peer Reviewers confirmed adherence to these standards during a series of on-site interviews with all involved with the oversight of the Division as well as with staff and clients. Based on their findings, COA’s volunteer-based Accreditation Commission voted that the Office of Youth Services had successfully met the criteria for accreditation.

Founded in 1977, COA is an independent, not-for-profit accreditor of the full continuum of community-based behavioral health care and social service organizations in the United States and Canada. Over 2,000 organizations-voluntary, public and propriety; local and statewide; large and small-have either successfully achieved COA accreditation or are currently engaged in the process. Presently, COA has a total of 47 service standards that are applicable to over 125 different types of programs. 

The Somerset County Office of Youth Services offers crisis intervention, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, assessment and short-term family therapy to youth and their families who are in crisis because of juvenile/family conflict, truancy, runaway behavior and sex trafficking. In addition, it offers planning for youth who are at risk of entering the juvenile justice system, and youth who are at risk of entering the behavior health system. They, through the CCAMC, provide education and training in child abuse and missing children. The Office of Youth Services has been providing services to youth and their families since 1984. 

Minority Mental Health

Submitted by Heather Pullen, Case Manager, Project Outreach, Richard Hall Community Health and Wellness Center

There are many components of one’s mental health including emotional, psychological, and social well-being and can affect multiple aspects of one’s life. Mental health affects the ways we feel, think, manage stress, relate to others, and decision making. The month of July is Minority mental health month in the United States and this article will raise awareness and highlight some of the challenges faced by members of ethnic backgrounds. Members of the community in particular, minorities, are at a disproportionately higher rate of receiving inadequate healthcare and mental health services. Systemic racism, historical barriers, and inequities have left ethnic, racial and minority populations facing trauma, loss, bias, social disparities and other unique challenges that have gone unsupported and largely unaddressed. According to the CDC “Many people from racial and ethnic minority backgrounds face obstacles in accessing needed care, these obstacles include lack of or insufficient health insurance, lack of racial and ethnic diversity among mental healthcare providers, lack of culturally competent providers, financial strain, and stigma” (CDC, 2022)

Other variables that impact access to mental health care include discrimination and lack of public awareness regarding mental health and mental health services. Homelessness is also associated with poorer mental health and can lead to psychiatric distress and diminish recovery from serious mental illness.  Much of the homeless population is affected by mental health concerns and continues to be a rising issue. African Americans with any kind of mental health issues have diminished rates of mental health services including prescription services and outpatient mental health, but an increased use of inpatient mental health hospitalizations. The U.S Department of Housing and Urban Development states that African Americans have higher disproportionate rates of homelessness among the U.S. population.  In the Hispanic/Latino population there is vulnerability toward mental illness and homelessness as well. More than 50% of Hispanic young adults ages 18-25 with serious mental illness may not get treatment and about 34% of Latino adults with mental illness get to be treated. There are different barriers such as language and stigma which make mental health treatment difficult if services are not available in the language that they speak. 

References

Prioritizing Minority Mental Health. (2022, July 12). Centers for Disease Control & Prevention. https://www.cdc.gov/healthequity/features/minority-mental-health/index.html

Andrew Fraielli, August 12, 2020, The Homeless Voice.

If you or a loved one is struggling with mental health, substance use or gambling challenges, please call our ACCESS Center at 908-253-3165. If this is a psychiatric emergency call Bridgeway PESS at 908-527-4100 OR

CALL the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 to talk to a counselor 24/7/365

CIT Comes to Somerset County

Submitted by Meg Isbitski, Somerset County Mental Health Administrator

An initiative co-sponsored and facilitated by the Somerset County Prosecutor’s Office and the Somerset County Human Services Department & Office of the Mental Health Administrator.

Somerset County proudly graduated 26 municipal police officers, sheriff's officers, and mental health professionals at the inceptual Crisis Intervention Team (CIT) training June 19th to 23rd at our emergency services training Academy in Hillsborough.  CIT is an international police mental health de-escalation training to assist when law enforcement officers come in to contact with residents experiencing a mental health crisis.  The intensive 40 hour model co-trains law enforcement and mental health professionals to foster community relationships, develop skill sets, and learn resources in the community for safer policing. 

In New Jersey, 2 out of 3 use of force police incidents involve residents that are either experiencing a mental health crisis, under the influence, or experiencing homelessness. This training teaches officers to recognize signs and symptoms of someone in crisis, and some tactics to interact with these residents to safely de-escalate a situation.  Many residents with behavioral health symptoms experience needless violence and criminalization when they really should be connected to mental health services.  This training focuses on safe interventions and removal of the silos between law enforcement and mental health services.

Focusing on verbal de-escalation, tactical communication, and under better understanding of mental health symptoms reduces stigma and increases the success of police officers when attempting to assist residents, their family members, and the public.

Training topics included: education on mental health conditions, substance use and co-occurring disorders, developmental disabilities, autism, Alzheimer’s and dementia, veterans’ diversion, youth services, cultural considerations, domestic violence and sexual assault.  Police officers were given perspective and heard direct testimony from individuals with mental health and substance use disorders, family members, and service providers.  Officers were educated about treatment modalities, local community resources, how to triage the acute mental health care system, and even toured some of the local mental health facilities in Somerset County.  Officers practiced case studies, role plays, and learned of co-response models including the Community Police Alliance Program in Bridgewater and Operation Helping Hand.

Thank you to our participants and attendees:

Somerset County Prosecutor’s office, Somerset County Department of Human Services, Somerset County Sheriff's Office, Richard Hall Community Health and Wellness Center, Bridgeway Behavioral Health, Robert Wood Johnson, Safe + Sound Somerset, Alzheimer's New Jersey, NAMI New Jersey, NAMI Somerset, Somerset County Office of Aging and Disability Services, Rutgers UBHC Early Intervention Support Services, Somerset County Transportation, Veterans Haven North, Lyons VA Medical Center, Operation Helping Hand, New Jersey Resiliency Program, Ocean County Prosecutor’s Office, CARES Program at Trinitas Medical Center, Chief Tim Barlow-Tewksbury Township Police Department, Essex County Prosecutor’s Office, Tri-State K-9 Response Team.

Each of the following towns now has a CIT-trained officer:

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Please contact Meg Isbitski for more information at isbitski@co.somerset.nj.us and look out for the next CIT class coming to Somerset County!

4TYM CAMP

4 The Younger Me is holding its first youth summer program from July 19 through July 21. Participants will be taught about yoga, mind management techniques, and how to make the best of social media.

Visit 4TYM CAMPUS to learn more!

Somerset County 4-H Fair - August 9, 10, &11, 2023 

75 Years and Growing Strong!

This year marks our 75th Anniversary! The Fair will be charged with more energy than ever, expect tons of hands-on activities, great food and live music, and wonderful exhibits for the whole family. As always, the fair has FREE PARKING and ADMISSION, giving the opportunity for everyone to enjoy an extraordinary day outdoors!

For Schedules and Map check out our website www.4histops.org/fair”

Somerset County Family & Community Health Sciences 

Tune in to the Facebook Live videos from Somerset County Family & Community Health Sciences (RCE) this July! By doing so, you can earn up to 5 LiveWell points (Metric 14)! Be sure to check out https://www.facebook.com/SCNJFCHS/ for updates and videos!

Rutgers Master Gardeners of Somerset County Service Awards

In July, the Rutgers Master Gardeners of Somerset County will be recognized for reaching milestones in their volunteer efforts here at Rutgers Cooperative Extension. Barbara Perkins, Barbara Vitanza, Beth Sargen, Edwin Smoot, Irene Fitzpatrick Smoot, Joseph Guarino, Janice Clouser, Karen MacNaul, Laura Held, Mimi Jacobs, Nancy Martinez, Victoria Collier, and Wayne Wiegand will all be recognized as Certified Rutgers Master Gardeners, as they have successfully completed their initial volunteer commitment following their training.

Those reaching 100 hours of volunteerism in the program include Michael Bolton, Cristina Del Giorno, Irene Fitzpatrick Smoot, Joseph Guarino, Mehrnaz Kousha, Jackie Roccasecca, Marie Russo, Lisa Schaffer, Ed Smoot, Barbara Vitanza, and Wayne Wiegand.

Marie Sereno, Jeanne Merritt-Hertrich, Ellen Hesse, Zena Kelly, and Nancy Toro will receive recognition for their 250 hours of volunteerism milestone.

Receiving accommodation for 500 hours of volunteerism will be Anna Abbott and Ellen Locker, while Valerie Szkodny will be recognized for 750 hours of volunteerism, and likewise Debbie Campbell and Thomas Reeder for 1,000 hours.

Additional presentations will be made to recognize Lisa Weinstock (1,250 hours), Johanna Ostar, Maura Sache, and Steve Sawin (1,500 hours), Gail Smith (2,500 hours), Jody Friedman (3,500 hours), and David Johnson (6,000 hours).

Years of Service in Volunteering will be presented to AnnMarie Savoye, Shona Erlenborn, Zixing Wang, and Ann Contijoch (5 years), Joan Haenny, Mousumi Patel, and Susan Jamieson (10 years), and Linda Lewis (15 years).

Irene O. Sabin Master Gardener Distinguished Service Award and Master Gardener of the Year Award will also be presented at this awards program.

We are very proud of all our volunteers and are very happy and grateful to recognize this special group in 2023.

Protecting Youth through Legislation

Submitted by Gayle Allen, MA, Senior Program Coordinator, Juvenile Institutional Services

For many people, the workings of government are a mystery. One quick and easy tool to find out what legislatures throughout the country are considering this legislative session (or to look up past state legislative efforts) is the National Conference of State Legislatures' Bill Tracking Database. https://www.ncsl.org/civil-and-criminal-justice/juvenile-justice-bills-tracking-database

Below are three bills that are currently pending in the New Jersey Legislature. Each strives to protect some of our most vulnerable citizens- our youth.

1. NJ S-3006 (2023)

Repeat Convictions of Certain Motor Vehicle Crimes

Full text: https://custom.statenet.com/public/resources.cgi?id=ID:bill:NJ2022000S3006&ciq=asteigenjj&client_md=1837f579417a9a938d436bb391afca3c&mode=current_text

Status: Pending - SENATE

Date of Last Action: 2/13/2023

Author: Codey (D) Additional Authors: Sarlo (D);Singer (R);Sacco (D);Holzapfel (R);Bramnick (R);Madden (D);Oroho (R);O'Scanlon (R);Bucco AM (R);Singleton (D);Lagana (D);Corrado (R)

Topics: Disposition Options/Sentencing/Length of Stay

Summary: Provides that a leader of an auto theft trafficking network is a crime of the first degree if a person, while engaging in a course of conduct, uses, solicits, directs, hires, employs, or recruits a person of a specified age or younger to join or actively participate in the network, provides that it shall be no defense to a prosecution that the actor mistakenly believed that the person who the actor used, solicited, directed, hired, employed, or recruited was older, provides for penalties.

2. NJ A-3117 (2023)

Juvenile Right to Attorney Representation

Full text: https://custom.statenet.com/public/resources.cgi?id=ID:bill:NJ2022000A3117&ciq=asteigenjj&client_md=0d9e11eeee653b29e338065f373aa40b&mode=current_text

Status: Pending - Senate Budget and Appropriations Committee

Date of Last Action: 5/18/2023

Author: Mukherji (D) Additional Authors: Jasey (D);McKnight (D);Spearman (D);Stanley (D);Atkins (D);Park (D)

Topics: Disposition Options/Sentencing/Length of Stay, Defense/Due Process and Procedural

Summary: Clarifies juvenile's right to attorney representation, relates to critical stage of a court proceeding shall include every court appearance by the juvenile, including all post dispositional appearances and any interrogation, identification procedure, or other investigative activity involving the juvenile undertaken by law enforcement or prosecutorial personnel subsequent to the filing of the complaint.

3. NJ A-4684 (2023)

Certain Juveniles Adjudicated Delinquent

Full text: https://custom.statenet.com/public/resources.cgi?id=ID:bill:NJ2022000A4684&ciq=asteigenjj&client_md=b59ed4d5fde04db0c4f44e67fb5868f4&mode=current_text

Status: Pending - Assembly Judiciary Committee

Date of Last Action: 9/29/2022

Author: Spearman (D) Additional Authors: Wimberly (D)

Topics: Disposition Options/Sentencing/Length of Stay

Summary: Requires certain juveniles adjudicated delinquent to perform community service where offense was committed.

 Join the Municipal Alliance Network

The Somerset County Municipal Alliance Network invites you to get involved with your local Municipal Alliance Committee! A Municipal Alliance is a grassroots organization comprised of local citizens and community members interested in the prevention of drug and alcohol use. Municipal Alliance Committees host monthly meetings virtually and in person, which are open to the public to develop and implement prevention education interventions to combat substance misuse in Somerset County communities.

The Municipal Alliances of Somerset County welcome all to participate in the Municipal Alliance’s Quarterly Networking Meeting as a platform to create opportunities, expand resources and build connections within our communities. For inquiries regarding prevention initiatives and to get involved in your local alliance, or if you are a provider/organization that sees the benefit of connecting with the Alliance Network and would like to deliver a demonstration of your programs and services, contact Somerset County Alliance Coordinator Ebeny J. Torres at etorres@co.somerset.nj.us or 908-704-6305. We look forward to collaborating with you

Learn More About the Municipal Alliance Here!

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