“Why Is Change So Hard For Us? – The Devil You Know (And The One You Don’t)”

 “Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.”— Anais Nin

“Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.” ― James Baldwin

“In any given moment we have two options: to step forward into growth or step back into safety.” — Abraham Maslow

Change. A constant process, both on a cellular level and in our lives. However, despite its constancy, most of us think about change as a specific point in time when something shifted from that which we know to that which we don’t.  There is nothing intrinsically scary about change and yet we often fear it.  Why is change so hard for us?

Humans are interesting beings. We are certainly creatures of habit and are wired in such a way that our biologically embedded instincts (which are for the most part emotional prompts) promote survival above all else. A literal understanding of “survival” would normally cause us to think that would mean “getting away from danger at all costs.”   Paradoxically, emotional survival might instead mean that if we’ve adapted to a situation that may appear dangerous to others (and, in fact, may truly be dangerous) our tendency is to stick with what we have come to know, however much rationality and reason might suggest we leave it for “something else.”  A variety of evolutionary researchers have suggested that emotional primacy can never be completely tamped down.  We see examples of this often (think about why people have trouble hearing perfectly objective critical feedback about themselves, for example).  Bad news is always heard “first and loudest.”   How does this connect to why change is difficult?

A romantic partner or spouse has been living with domestic violence (both actual and threatened) for years.  Why do they stay- even if they have the financial resources to leave?  A friend is miserable in the job they’ve had for a long time but doesn’t seriously work on finding another one.  Why not?  These “stuck” situations happen with great frequency and produce all sorts of self-defeating internal messages, and there is nothing vaguely amusing about them.  On the absurdist (and yes, amusing) side of things are things like the attachment to a torn t-shirt, or the underwear with holes that we just don’t throw out even though rationality would suggest we should.  Human beings become acclimated to that which they know and that, combined with underlying anxiety about “well, it could be worse,” often serves to paralyze.

What are we so afraid of? As Maslow notes we are often presented with a choice – to grow or to stay safe.  Most of us rarely see this choice with clarity.  Speaking for myself I certainly have been at least partially aware of the choice at major forks in my life road (endings of relationships, deaths, job changes) but much of time I manage to ignore “choice” and see it as “meant to be.” I don’t think these ways of thinking are mutually exclusive, but I do think that I minimize “choice” as a way of dealing with my own anxiety about unanswered “what ifs?”  I’ve spent many periods of my life struggling with the question of whether I truly want to understand my own agency or whether it feels better to attribute “what happens next” to inertia and fate.  There are certainly situations in which our own ability to choose a path for ourselves is extremely limited.  Poverty, systemic racism, and gender bias (among many factors) absolutely limit choices for those folks who grapple with them and by no means am I suggesting that all we need to do is “envision it and it will happen.”  Many pop psychologists and media pontificators have done real damage to people by suggesting that it is only a self-defeating mindset that makes the path to change tough. At the same time, I think that without the belief that change is possible, it rarely is.  To truly evolve we need to fully utilize the power of belief, take risks and most of all have some faith in our own ability to survive anxiety and discomfort, which, of course, are a normal part of living.  In this sense, it is both our view of change and our willingness to accept the fear inherent in the “new and unknown” that allows for growth.

I’ll close this month’s column with this: in the 1969 movie “Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid,” the main characters (played by Paul Newman and Robert Redford with dialogue written by screenwriter William Goldman) illustrate that even when we think we know our motivations for choice-and our fears about what happens if we “take the leap” sometimes we just miss the point.

• Sundance Kid: [Butch and the Kid are on the edge of a cliff, preparing to take on the posse pursuing them] Ready?
• Butch Cassidy: No - we'll jump.
• Sundance Kid: [peering nervously over the edge] ... Like hell, we will.
• Butch Cassidy: No, it'll be okay. If the water's deep enough and we don't get squished to death, they'll never follow us.
• Sundance Kid: How do you know?
• Butch Cassidy: Would you make a jump like that if you didn't have to?
• Sundance Kid: I have to and I'm not gonna.
• Butch Cassidy: Well, we got to. Otherwise, we're dead. We're just gonna have to go back down the same way they come. Come on.
• Sundance Kid: Just one clear shot, that's all I want.
• Butch Cassidy: Come on.
• Sundance Kid: Uh-uh.
• Butch Cassidy: [leans into the Kid] We got to!
• Sundance Kid: Get away from me.
• Butch Cassidy: Why?
• Sundance Kid: I wanna fight 'em!
• Butch Cassidy: They'll kill us.
• Sundance Kid: Maybe.
• Butch Cassidy: You wanna die?
• Sundance Kid: Do you?
• Butch Cassidy: Alright. I'll jump first.
• Sundance Kid: Nope.
• Butch Cassidy: Then you jump first.
• Sundance Kid: No, I said.
• Butch Cassidy: What's the matter with you?
• Sundance Kid: I can't swim!
• Butch Cassidy: [pauses, then laughs] ... Are you crazy? The fall will probably kill ya.
• [pause, then they start running to the edge]

   

• [Butch and the Kid land in the water]

As we know, the end of the journey - the “final fall” (death) kills us all.  In the meantime, sometimes choosing “the devil you don’t” turns out just fine.

Department of Human Services Announces New Director

Several months ago, Mike Frost, the current Director of the Department of Human Services,  announced his plans to retire in the summer of 2024. This impending vacancy left some "big shoes to fill", as the Director oversees all ten divisions in the Human Services Department.

On Tuesday, April 23, 2024, Colleen Mahr, County Administrator, announced the hiring of the new Director, Zach Berliner. Some might recognize this name, as Zach Berliner has been the Planning Administrator for the Department for the last three years. 

The month of May will be a transitionary period to get everyone accustomed to new roles, and Zach will officially assume the title of Director of the Department of Human Services on June 1st, 2024.

If you or a loved one is struggling with mental health, substance use or gambling challenges, please call our ACCESS Center at 908-253-3165. If this is a psychiatric emergency call Bridgeway PESS at 908-526-4100

OR

CALL the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 to talk to a counselor 24/7/365

References:

Psychiatry.org - What is Perinatal Depression (formerly Postpartum)?

What is Maternal Depression? (ny.gov) 

Postpartum Anxiety: Symptoms, Treatment, Causes, and More (healthline.com) 

Talking PPD: Campaign Toolkit | Office on Women's Health (womenshealth.gov)  

 CENTRAL JERSEY HOUSING RESOURCE CENTER (CJHRC)

FREE HOUSING COUNSELING SERVICES

Central Jersey Housing Resource Center (CJHRC) is a HUD certified housing counseling agency offering FREE housing and financial literacy counseling services. To find out more visit www.cjhrc.org or call 908-446-0036. CJHRC posts important information daily on our social media accounts; like us on Facebook (Central Jersey Housing Resource Center) or follow us on Instagram (cjhrc_housing) to get housing announcements, resources and information.   

Virtual Car Leasing, Buying & Lemon Laws Overview

May 16, 2024

Learn about consumer rights and what to know BEFORE buying or leasing a vehicle.  Once you have the vehicle, you have rights under the NJ Lemon Law and other laws.  Attend this FREE webinar so you can avoid problems others have experienced.  Click here for more details.

CJHRC’s Savings Match Program – earn up to $900 towards a financial goal

6:00 pm to 7:15 pm

Do you struggle with monthly bills? Do you feel overwhelmed at the thought of tracking expenses?  If an emergency happened (need a vehicle repair, pay for unexpected dental or medical expense, etc) you would not have the funds?

CJHRC’s unique financial literacy/savings match program has helped many change their spending behaviors, save money each month and paydown debt resulting in higher credit scores!  Find out more by calling a CJHRC counselor at 908-446-0037 or click here for the application.  

Upcoming Webinars:

I Want to Rent an Affordable Unit – How Do I Begin?

June 4, 2024 - 6:00 pm to 7:00 pm

Click here to register

2-Day Virtual Homebuyer Webinar

June 25 and June 27, 2023

5:30 pm to 8:15 pm

Click here to register (must attend both nights to get a certificate)

Recorded Webinars:

• Renter Info & Resources Webinar
• Fair Housing Webinar
• I Want to Purchase an Affordable Unit - How Do I Begin?
• Housing: Get Your Questions Answered?

Contact a CJHRC at 908-446-0036 to do an intake and then they can send you the link

April is Volunteer Month!

Submitted by Christina Panarese, Office of Volunteer Services

The world is better today than it was yesterday, thanks to the efforts of our volunteers. One month out of the year is certainly not enough time to give proper thanks to all the volunteers who make Volunteer Services what it is! We appreciate you beyond words, and we know our residents of Somerset County are incredibly grateful for your generosity. But don’t take our word for it! A Somerset County resident once wrote, “I cannot thank you enough for your assistance in my time of need. Bob did a wonderful job in repairing my closet door. No one else could have done a better job.”

 Have you ever thought of being a volunteer? Of helping your neighbors, and fellow community members? If you answered yes to these questions, then now just might be the perfect time to become a volunteer through Somerset County Volunteer Services!

Volunteer Services matches community members with a variety of service opportunities. Our goal is to find the perfect fit based on the time you wish to five, your skills, and your desires. We want to find the service opportunity that you will find fulfilling, meaningful, and impactful. Our volunteers provide assistance directly to the community through the services they provide. Volunteering has been shown to not only connect you with others, but is good for your mind and body, and brings fun and fulfillment to your life. What better time to spring into action than now!

In the months of February and March, many of our volunteers assisted Somerset County residents with completing and filing their taxes. In 2023, our Tax Prep Counselors saved Somerset County residents over $2.1 million in returns!

So, grab your family, friends, or coworkers, and join Volunteer Services in providing services to residents of Somerset County!

If you are interested in volunteering or want to learn more about the opportunities and services provided by Volunteer Services, reach out to Christina Panarese, LSW at (908) 704-6358 or via email at volunteersvs@co.somerset.nj.us.

Youth Council Celebrates Earth Day!

Submitted by Angelica Sandi, Youth Council Co-Advisor

On Saturday, April 20, 2024, the Somerset County Youth Council partnered with Raritan Headwaters to conduct their annual Stream Clean Up. Youth Council members brought their gloves, bags, and grabbers to pick up trash and other debris along the Raritan River Greenway in Raritan. All in all, the Youth Council collected about five full bags of trash which included bottles, bags, fishing line, a pillow, and a plastic sign. A big thank you to the Youth Council members for helping create a clean and safe environment for not only people, but for the wildlife that calls the Raritan River Greenway home.

To learn more about Raritan Headwater and the work they do, click here.

To learn about the Somerset County Youth Council, click here.

Join the Franklin Food Bank Team!

[Click to view full PDF]

Take the Moment: May is Mental Health Awareness Month

Submitted by Lisa Federico, Addiction Services Director

“Since it’s inception in 1949, Mental Health Awareness Month has been a cornerstone of addressing the challenges faced by millions of Americans living with mental health conditions” (NAMI). This year, the NAMI campaign, “Take the Moment”, reminds us to center ourselves, practice mindfulness, stop, breathe in, and exhale. This campaign also reminds us of the importance of open dialogues about mental health and substance use. If people tend to fear or put down what they do not understand, then how do we deploy more education, empathy, and understanding? We start with connection and communication.

How do we as a society get to a place where we prioritize self-care the same way we normalize productivity, work ethic, and drive? We need to normalize wellness, without stigma, guilt, or shame.

This month, the Department of Human Services encourages you to #TakeAMentalHealthMoment each and every day. This includes leaders, managers, and administrators. Lead by example. The more we normalize taking care of your mind, the same way we take care of our body; the more this will become a daily lifestyle practice, rather than an intervention.

You can also show your support for this cause by wearing green on Fridays, at least once a week throughout May; “green represents hope, strength, support, and encouragement for people who live with mental illness (NAMI)”.

The Department is committed to furthering community education and engagement opportunities to spread awareness and reduce stigma.  Please view the below events and happenings:

04/23/2024: Somerset County Department of Human Services accept “May is Mental Health Awareness Month” proclamation at the Board of County Commissioner’s meeting.

04/24/2024: Somerset County Department of Human Services is hosting a presentation on services, including behavioral health navigation, at the Bridgewater Library from 6pm-7:30pm.

04/30/2024: Somerset County Department of Human Services is hosting a presentation on services, including behavioral health navigation, at the North Plainfield Library from 6pm-7:30pm.

05/02/2024: Mental Health Board Meeting; virtual open public meeting at 5pm.

May 3^rd (4-8pm) and 4^th (10am-2pm). Free Community Resource Event. Come to Good Shepard Lutheran Church at 300 Union Ave Somerville for free household goods and community resource information.

05/08/2024: “Let’s Talk!..Drugs Over Dinner” Panel discussion with community partners on mental health and substance use 6:00pm-8:15pm (registration required); hosted by Not an Easy Fix.

If you would like to receive assistance and support finding mental health and substance-use disorder services, please contact our Behavioral Health System Navigator, Stephanie Billitz, for more information: sbillitz@co.somerset.nj.us or 908-203-6130. Please direct any general Department of Human Services comments or questions to: humanservices@co.somerset.nj.us 908-704-6300

Open House at Richard Hall!

Mental Health Awareness Month is observed every May to increase awareness about the vital role mental health plays in our overall health and well-being. It’s an opportunity to raise awareness, reduce stigma and encourage conversation about our mental well-being and the importance of seeking help when needed. Through education, outreach and support the Richard Hall Community Health and Wellness Center of Somerset County has created a safe space which is welcoming and inclusive for those facing mental health challenges.

The administrators and staff of the Richard Hall Community Health and Wellness Center invite you to our Open House on Thursday May 9, 2024, from 10am – 11am or 11am – 12pm OR on Monday May 13, 2024, from 5pm-6pm or 6pm-7pm.  You will have an opportunity to learn about our services, meet our staff, and participate in your choice of a brief wellness activity.

Cada mes de mayo se celebra el Mes de Concientización sobre la Salud Mental para aumentar la conciencia sobre el papel vital que desempeña la salud mental en nuestra salud y bienestar general. Es una oportunidad para crear conciencia, reducir el estigma y fomentar la conversación sobre nuestro bienestar mental y la importancia de buscar ayuda cuando sea necesaria. A través de la educación, la divulgación y el apoyo, el Centro Comunitario de Salud y Bienestar Richard Hall del condado de Somerset ha creado un espacio seguro, acogedor e inclusivo para quienes enfrentan problemas de salud mental.

Los administradores y el personal del Centro Comunitario de Salud y Bienestar Richard Hall lo invitan a nuestra jornada de puertas abiertas el jueves 9 de mayo de 2024, de 10am a 11am o de 11am a 12pm O el lunes 13 de mayo de 2024, de 5pm a 6pm o de 6pm a 7pm. Tendrá la oportunidad de conocer nuestros servicios, conocer a nuestro personal y participar en una breve actividad de bienestar que elija.

Somerset County Senior Centers Older Americans Month (May) Activities

[Click to see full PDF]

Rutgers Cooperative Extension 

ANR/Rutgers Master Gardeners:

Volunteer Luncheon:
“This month on April 10th, Rutgers Cooperative Extension of Somerset County recognized the Somerset County Rutgers Master Gardeners at a luncheon for National Volunteer Month, highlighting the hours and years of service to the program, certifying new Master Gardeners, and recognizing outstanding contributions to the Master Gardener Program with several awards.”

FCHS:

Wellness Wednesday:
Join us on Wednesdays at 12:30 p.m. to learn from experts in the Department of Family & Community Health Sciences, Rutgers Cooperative Extension. All sessions are free, will last approximately 45 minutes, and will be provided via Zoom. To join, you will need either a computer, tablet, or smartphone with speakers.

You must register to participate. See below for the title and descriptions of each webinar and click on the link below to register.

May 1: Understanding Alzheimer's and Dementia
May 8: Communicating Effectively with Loved Ones with Alzheimer's and Dementia
May 15: Healthy Living for Your Brain & Body
May 22: Bridging the Rural Behavioral Health Treatment Access Gap through Community Engagement and Technology

4-H:
4-H Fair Sponsorship:
Sponsor the largest event in the county! The Somerset County 4-H Fair serves as a special venue for corporations, local businesses, and community groups to promote their services or products while showing their support of the 4-H Youth Development Program. For more information visit: https://4histops.org/sponsors.

Fair: Save the Date! The Somerset County 4-H Fair returns to North Branch Park in Bridgewater on August 7,8, and 9, 2024! As always, the Fair is FREE! For more info, please visit us at https://4histops.org/fair. 

Free Community Resource Event on May 3 & May 4

 Attend the Community Resource Event to receive free household goods and access to information about a wide variety of support services including mental health, substance use, programs for youth and seniors, and much more. The events will take place on Friday, May 3, from 4 to 8 p.m., and Saturday, May 4, from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m., at Good Shepherd Lutheran Church, 300 Union Ave., Somerville, NJ 08876.

There are approximately 17,000 Somerset County residents who live below the poverty level, according to the United States Census Bureau, and the Community Resource events are aimed at this population, although it is open to everyone.

“This is the sixth annual Community Resource Event, which began in response to in-need residents affected by Hurricane Ida, but has continued due to its popularity,” said Somerset County Commissioner Paul M. Drake. “Many people are still struggling after being financially impacted by the pandemic, Ida, and inflation. I urge residents in need to attend this event.”

About the Sponsors of the Community Resource Event

Somerset County Human Services Department
The Human Services Department is responsible for the administration and supervision of Aging and Disability, Community Development, Juvenile Institutional Services, One Stop Career Center, Operations and Planning, Richard Hall Community Health & Wellness Center, Rutgers Cooperative Extension, Veterans Services, Volunteer Services, and Youth Services.

Good Shepherd Lutheran Church
Good Shepherd Lutheran Church has been a fixture of the Somerville area since its founding in 1952.  It is a place of prayer, peace, and joy, a welcoming group of people with diverse backgrounds and orientations who seek to worship.

Giving Network
The Giving Network is a non-profit organization dedicated to recycling household items and delivering those items to in-need residents of Somerset County. The organization is a volunteer-run, volunteer-driven program that achieves its objectives by working with other organizations, agencies, businesses, and churches.

Princeton Justice Initiative
The Princeton Justice Initiative is a 501(c)(3), non-profit, all-volunteer social impact and legal aid organization created to alleviate, reduce, and eliminate poverty in Central Western New Jersey through non-partisan, all-inclusive and secular outreach.

Non-Clinical Volunteers

Clinical Volunteers

We are thrilled to announce that the Somerset County Youth Council is accepting applications for new members for the September 2024- August 2025 season! If you are a Somerset County youth in grades 7-12 and interested in making a difference in your community, we invite you to join us.

As a member of the Youth Council, you will gain valuable leadership skills, make new friends, and work on projects that benefit your community. Whether you are passionate about the environment, social justice, or education, our organization has a place for you! Our current members have already significantly impacted our community by organizing drives, volunteering at local organizations, and advocating for important causes. We are excited to welcome new members who share our passion for making a difference.

If you want to join the Somerset County Youth Council, the application will be available on our County website Youth Council | Somerset County on Wednesday, May 1. The deadline is 11:59 p.m. on Friday, May 31. Candidates will be selected and notified by the end of June. 

For more information about applying to the Somerset County Youth Council, contact youthcouncil@co.somerset.nj.us or 908-704-6300. 

April was National County Government Month!

 The month of April is recognized as National County Government month, and this year, Somerset County recognized the Department of Human Services for having a positive impact on residents in regards to mental health and substance use disorders. [Read the full Proclamation below]

Staff from the Department of Human Services celebrated National County Government month by bringing the Somerset HELPS Van to the Somerset County Library's Bridgewater Branch and the North Plainfield Branch. Here, residents were able to talk to Human Services staff, ask questions, and become better informed on the resources and services the county has to offer. 

Community members were also able to grab a bag of groceries to take home, donated by the Food Bank of Somerset County!